Sharing The Wealth

Chris Weiss June 20, 2008

Having a spouse or significant other that enjoys the same activities as you do can be an incredible experience. No matter what you’re into—hiking, biking, rock climbing or stamp collecting—sharing the activity(s) you love with the one you love is a great experience. It’s also the difference between spending your weekends and spare time out in the wilderness and meticulously checking items off of the wife’s chore list.

I’m a lucky guy—my wife is very willing to try things out and has really gotten into my two favorite sports: snowboarding and mountain biking. I have begun to learn some valuable lessons about how to nurture her growth and make it fun for the both of us. It can be challenging; I have been involved in both of these sports for around 15 years so obviously we are not at the same level. The rewards of spending time together while doing something that we both love are well worth the little efforts, however.

Here’s a couple of lessons I’ve learned. (I’m going to assume that it’s a guy taking out his wife or girlfriend mountain biking for grammatical ease and posterity. However, it could obviously work the other way around with a completely different activity too—although a woman’s job is even more difficult, what with the fragile male ego to contend with.)

Let her pick the ride. If you pick out a ride and it turns out to be too strenuous, long, steep or technical, chances are good you’re going to hear about it the whole day and it is going to diminish the experience for both of you. If it’s her first ride, you may be back to weeding the garden next weekend. Worse yet, you might have to make an appearance at the ballet. Don’t let that happen. Pick out some easier choices that would be suitable for a beginner and let her pick out the one that appeals to her. Don’t worry, you can still hammer out those grueling climbs and huge descents, but save those for your riding buddies or yourself.

Find rides that offers something your wife/girlfriend might enjoy. If she loves flowers, pick a trail that rolls through patches of wildflowers. Or find a trail that offers a great scenic view or place to have a mid-ride picnic. There are plenty of trails out there, find one that will really spark her interest enhancing the overall experience.

Encouragement goes a long way. It can be very frustrating for someone when they constantly struggle or can’t do things as well as you. Watching other riders, particularly you, ride with ease while she struggles can be very perturbing. However, that’s not what it’s about. She’s not going to catch up with you or other riders in the matter of days. It takes a while for anyone to get the hang of it and get into shape. Constantly, encourage her and the accomplishments she makes—finishing a climb without walking, doing a longer ride, etc. Make her feel good about herself. She’s earned it.

Offer constructive pointers only if she wants them. This is crucial. Don’t be the guy who is the consummate pro— tediously doling out advice that no one really wants, just to demonstrate your own expertise and knowledge. No one likes that guy. At all. Try to offer only positive advice and keep it at a minimum. Praise her for what she’s doing right, while gently suggesting something that might make riding easier/more efficient. If she’s having problems, wait for her to ask questions. Finally, pick your battles. Don’t point out every tiny mistake; rather, save your advice for major issues that could really help. Don’t just start throwing out criticism and never get frustrated with her—this will guarantee that it will be your last ride and you might quickly find yourself eating Hungry Man dinners and sleeping on the couch.

If your spouse is really resenting you for dragging her into your world, try something she’d like to do. Have your spouse pick out a new activity she’d like to try. Hopefully, it’s something you’ll enjoy also, but even if it’s not, you’ll make it a two way street and reward your spouse’s efforts. You’ll also be doing something brand new together where you’re both struggling to learn. If nothing new, perhaps you could show interest in one of her hobbies. Just cross your fingers that it’s not meringue lessons.

There’s nothing wrong with having your own interests, but sharing interests with your spouse ensures that you’ll spend plenty of time doing what you love. There’s no need to compromise on activities when you both share the same passion. If you play your cards right, you might tap into something that your spouse likes as much as you. One day she might even kick your ass at it. But that’s a whole different topic for another time.

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One Response to “Sharing The Wealth”

  1. Sharing The Wealth | Gearfire.com on June 20th, 2008 12:17 pm

    […] Kung Fu Grip wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptHaving a spouse or significant other that enjoys the same activities as you do can be an incredible experience. No matter what you’re into—hiking, biking, rock climbing or stamp collecting—sharing the activity(s) you love with the one … […]

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